tonight was amazing. *just re-read my post and this totally sounded WRONG. i meant, CHURCH was AMAZING!
its as if i've got the answers to my questions that i wanted.. and all i have to do now is believe.
i think i should post them
but i need to re-read and divulge again.. haha

little tired though..
spent the night yesterday at bryan's. actually studied if you believe. haha..social studies

qoute bryan.
you kow what are retainers? *i shurg* so that my teeth are straight , white and shiny
unqoute


well. studies alittle and then we watched spastic youtube clip bout live recording of indonesian ghosts.. scary sia. :D
had interesting dreams here..there was stuff about my pink shirts.. church.. enzoe? a bus.. and a trip to what looked like ocdc. lol. random huh..morning sickness really annoying though.. sneezing and sneezing.
bryan's like lying down and about to sleep la..

quote
today you feeling holy right? haha knew it
unqoute


the ghost vid keeps popping in my head.. rather annoying la.back to my day :D
went to tampines mall while Bryan emo-ed with @#$@#@#$
went for some NS thingy did a lot of stuff and took a picture
got a bag too lol
when i sat down at the mrt station some guy came up and offered me famous amos..

went to church
*edit.
spastic's tuitioning now. i'm blogging and supposedly gonna study but heck
anyhow cabbed back and took bus to church. took 81 wth. did his oh-did-i-mention-this-but-its-kinda-too-freaking-late thing again.

quote
oh this byus does'nt go downtown.
unqoute.

so we got off and changed buses. met leon at donwtown. was wearing my birtthday tee-shirt and my cha-chat jacket. leon said it was the best suit i've worn. wth hahaha. on the way saw firdaus from broadrick. hahaha. chatted ahwile. it was brief and cool i guess.. like we just met last week or something. actual fact is like.. almost a year .

waited for Bryan's sprocket to arrive before we headed into the church.
we were 15 minutes late..haha. worship was OKAY.. missed out on praise..
we sat at the back with carebear who was late-r. the funny joker din make any comments during sermon.. lol.message started with a drama and continued with about disappointments and rejection. great message. i had bits and pieces of what to do in my life.. how to get it back to order. i felt satisfied rather. lol.


but heres the best part. there was an alter call thingy.. experiencing the touch of God.
i asked leon.. but he told me that if i went with him it would'nt be the experience i needed or something like that. so i went ahead with jerry.
nothing much happened at first. there i was singing and waiting on the lord.
then the holy spirit arose in me. he reminded me of how much i hungered for the lord. just HOW much i wanted his touch a long time before. how i reached out to him and felt his love tocuh the core of my soul so many years ago in chc jurong.. that most amazing moment.. when worship and praise and prayer all came into my spirit.. felt so free.it came slowly at first.. how sis jo would speak to me to keep my hunger for the lord. to enjoy walking and growing with the lord.

reached out for the holies of the holies. to enter his presence..i don;t think i even got there yet haha. yet my tears started to fall with his amazing love.. joachim told us. make room for God.
assadas it just happened. he came upon me.. spirit as if blanketing my soul.. i saw my mistakes.. my sins.. dirty.. unholy.. i felt so unworthy of his love. haha.. i just cried harder.. saying sorry for everything i've done to disappoint him.. thinking about benny himn. when it was over.. i wanted to stay and just remain in his presence. just went back to the cg though..so dazed in amazement..seriously la.. haha.. i suppose it's rather impossible to describe how i felt in words. whole?
clean?
complete?

haha... just AMAZING. the wonder of God.. phew.
temptation will NOT reign ever again.
GOD will take over. i will give EVERYTHING to him. this i promise to you lord. keep me in your strength.

AMEN


jerry took us back after a great cell.
toned here at bryan's AGAIN.
i'm starting to find no reason for doing so
cause we hit the sack right after doing nothing lol
all i get is breathing his farts.
0-.-"

had weird dreams..
the strongest one i had was one..
where mum had died.
i'm still kinda affected by it..
i can;t remember what happened in the dream,
only that dad took care of me and ling
and he was depressed or something.
it was a long dream..
but the fact that mum was not alive was the only thing i can surface.
i probably will not be able to handle it..
she is probably the person i love most in this world..
yes? i wonder if God is asking what about me haha.
course i love GOD. but God cannot take the place of a mother right?
quite confused.. but a scene came to my mind from twitches LOL

love is unlimited,
never ending
you can keep giving and giving and it'll never run out
it does'nt have to be shared among two..

hmm i can;'t capture the essence of the scene.. gotta watch it again.
basically i think it means that i can love God as much i love mum
there is no need for a comparison.
i don;t have to love God as much as i love mum
but i want to :D
and i'll be there soon lord.
i love you lord. =)
i pray that mum and dad will live forever, taken by the rapture.. so that i will never have to see them die. that will break my heart lord i belive you know that. please don't take her away :)

i woke up sobbing lol.
as long as i remember..
i will love my mum with all my heart.
no more rude and lazy jian..
i will appreciate her still being alive. still with me.. loving me.

thank you sooo much lord for my mum. =)
man.
i'm such an emotional softy.
wth hahaha.
wow its been an hour already
lol
so i;'ve dreamt of dad and mum in weird and sad dreams.
wonder what's next.
man.
its like too much?
such a powerful dream.. if everyone had these dreams.. the world will be moved man. lol
you;ll understand if you were me.
no one eles is capable of loving me as God, my mum, and my dad.
thats why i love them back with everythin i've got.

remember jian..
never forget.

hallelujah
i'm back :)