i've been thinking abit.


i'm so easily affected by what people think of me. LOL

should'nt be the case la i guess.

i should be strong and stand up for myself right?



wrong,
cause then i would'nt be true to myself.

sides

i can take this shit.

okay i, starting to sound totally random.


life has been packed recently.

too tired(pah. lazy more like) to journal so here i am, blogging.


oh yeah.

i've decided not to lock up the blog.

because i really dont have anything to hide.


this is who i am, this is my life to share.

what kind of light to the w0rld am i if i can't even shine.


this is my journey, world.

embrace it, or leave me be. (i'd rather you like me..=x )


heres a few stuff i picked up over the last few days


ya know. people are people, not person(s).

to each his own perspectives.. fortune.. and of course, rights to having their voice heard.
its like, what they say does;nt even have to be intellectually sensible or even moral for that matter. All that matters is that we are heard. We take life for granted too often, coercing others into a realm of false objectivity. (should'nt be using this word.. i barely understand it lol) i mean, i could go on forever but i'd just end up contradicting myself.

simply put,
things meant for simplicity should just be what it is, simple.(does'nt the word pimple come to mind... yuck). life is too short to be taken into by droning philosophy or pointless arguements. Its too fragile for yes, self-admiring men (yes you, with the DP of yourself on your mobile screen) and overbearing women who think nothing of others.( yes, bitches.)

so what can the rest of the world do? how are the precarious 14 year olds like muah going to be safe from the treachery that is this generation?


audio slave-
Be yourself, is all that you can do.. oowwaarhhh
be yourself, is alllll that euu canch ddooooowarrrrrrhh!!!!


haha. what a joke this post has been.
i guess what i wanted to do is prove to myself,
that i'm not exactly incapable of a 19 year old's reasonably well thoughtout and mature standpoint of life and extrubant display of rather meaningless vocabulary.

(you can thank my very sensitive nature to being called a kid)

DOES THAT MEAN I"M INSECURE?!
perhaps
but i dont give a shit.
which means i'm secure.
lol -.-"


riight.

back to earth,

i very much love to be myself.
i love to be a kid when the world is growing up.

i believe this being a kid thing.. its my inner support system against my circumstances.
this is how i stay strong and even happy, but perhaps its not really the right thing to do?
what is right, what is wrong.
haha. more meaningless questions.
i guess this is what the holidays are for.

see, being a kid means being spontaneous, lively, fun loving and creative, but when the kid does'nt get his way, it results in emotional ourbursts, anger and frustration. Sometimes we like to be childish but often it puts us into dependant and often self defeating posistions.

i guess thats my major issue.

i do feel dependant on my friends. emotionally that is. without my friends.. i feel lost and like a part of me is incomplete. thats probably why when one of them thinks bad of me, i feel so affected, as if part of me is turning against me. yeahhhhh.


lol. all this self reflection and cooling weather is making me quite moody. =x

quick recap,

just been to FOC egypt and 2 days later went off to LOST camp.
LOL

camp siau sia.


loved FOC, i think.

but almost forgot everything already.
stupid short term memory.

i can remember the emotions though,
when the camp ended.
most of everyone was in tears.
i almost cried too! awww. hahahha

in memory of sickos,
may the times we had never wash away from our eyes.
<3



LOST camp was really good,
learnt new stuff.

God is real-er to me now. hahha.

luke's testimony is really powerpack to the max.

thats why i'm joining CF, i hope i can make a difference, give back to the body of Christ that has done so much for me :)

they said their first impression of me was that on an AH BENG, HAHAHA. siau ahhh. haha
maybe i was too tired from FOC.
o well.


new friends..
almost numb to the feeling already.
i dunno. hhaa



alite. jase out

this would be the last free post i'll be showing.

then i'ma make this blog private

i wish blogger had that whole private post thing,
then i wouldnt have to think so much.
i wish LJ had simpler codes i could work with.

lol

anyway.


i'll try to make it as sweet and long as possible.
=x
RIGHT.
its freaking 2 am and its that time of the day when weird images start flashing in my head.
like zouk out at sentosa. so random.


well. these few days have been rather interesting.

it has been exciting and humbling.

take the TPE highway BICYCLE RIDE at 2 am. that was !@#!@. haha. was on the way home from katong when i got lost. found myself at hougang. o.o"" even took a picture.
next time post it up.. haha. my clas ppl sure enjoy.. hahhaa

aside from the nonsense..

ive been chatting with people... reading books..

im glad i go down to base once in a while. eveytime is an oppertunity to learn and grow.

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.




not that bad i think..
then again.

o.O

haha.
trying to understand myself is like..
well.
its gonna take some time i guess.


but right now..


i;m just dumping my insecure shit on all my friends.

i hate myself for it.

and i'm not doing justice to myself either.


i think i need to just slap myself awake man.

shake it off.


get it right.

=x

jase out.
for ahwhile.

Labels: cheerios, leadership

dear God,



i miss you.
and need you.



okay.

see you soon.

:)

i always wondered which was the case.

that i stick around with them,
cause they so called needed me to be around them just in case they needed some like you know, guidance from the good side.
or was it because i needed them for company and whatever.. sustain my darker side? lol. *rolls eyes.

they were good with the various stuff they were good at.
and they helped me with alot of my decisions.
say.. buying an new ear piece? what colour to dye my hair?even recently. what kind of furniture i should use for my new shop.
but it does'nt have anything to do with the friendship.
i dont even like making use of friends.

actually the hair stlylist did'nt do anything.
but the one good at computer and audio and stuff..
lol.surprised me tonight. just abit though. haha.

cause no one is perfect.
i just thought since he'd understood my problems quite clearly,
he would'nt cross the line.
apparently different lines were drawn. he overestimated mine.

so, obviously he crossed my lines,even though he din't think he did.
otherwise i would'nt be blogging.
the thing is, he just could'nt back down.
i just had to be the one at fault and he was immaculate.
turns out i had to be the one to change if i wanted to continue the friendship.

so maybe if i was'nt proud myself i'd just take his shit.
but i guess sometimes, i have to stand up for myself.
why should i let people determine the person i want to be,
and even the person i already am and cannot change even if i want to.
some friends are worth having and some are just not.


after a rather quick and abrupt tearing, i realise now that firstly actually it does'nt matter anymore. then i also understood that


******

breaking news.

he smsed and said.

i betrayed him more than i can ever have betrayed him.

LOL
i'm like.

ookay. should'nt that be my line hahahaha.

okay you know what.

this subject become so stupid to me now that i cant be bothered to blog any futher.

matter closed.

its been ages since i pictured.

enjoy.

actually i have lots to say.
but bloggins been rather okay,

spending time alone.
just me myself and i..
its lonely.
back then
when its just me,
i always had Dad by my side,just ddint realise it.
now..
Dad giving me some time to understand what true solitude is about.


friends.

i dont want to be senile.
i dont want to be suffering from depression,
and certainly, i've realised,
i dont want to be lonely.

everyone needs friends.
to live life to the full,
everyone needs someone they can share thier life with.
Its part of what makes us human.
socialising and stuff.
even shy people have thier share of friends.

God said,
it is not good for man to be alone.
and thus made eve to be adam's helper.

guess who is kevin kor's helper. hahahha
enjoy.

ROM


kevin kor and may che family!




i have to be a responsible and nice uncle. sigh.


what post is complete without my handsome model pose?
heh.



happy chinese new year folks.

next time then i post more thoughts la. lazy to do anything else.
wreon is a joker hahhaha

let me first mention.

how awesome God is.

God is awesome. haha.

okay. we have had a few stuff going on recently.....

wo(man) by the ascian theater. one word. LOL.

watched it with rashid and han.
they could appreaciate theater man.
i can't. hahha. i'll take a good old movie screen anytime... :D

it was vulgar but a few scenes were really thought provoking. heh.

then rashid and i cabbed down to CFA20!!!! :D:D

it was really fun, seeing benjamin again and role playing and stuff. haha



--stupid ants problem..--


leti paid for my ticket!!

argh!

i'm so..

loved i guess.


no barred , no hesitiation che just whipped out that wad of cash and paid for my wo(man)ticket that i owed to mark. (suppose to be 10 that bugger hpmh )

thats selflessness for you. thats my cousin :) <3

then the next day

it was the o level release.

i got l1r4 12 and l1r5 15..

went to subway bought bread and stuff.
then mac cafe afiqah and gang were there..
so joined them
i got a free drink! woo hoo.


met upo with leon, congratulated me and with chris we watched ong bak2. the ending is incredibly stupid. but right up until the ending, the show was done beautifully. the music.. the cinematography was very good. the upclose and loud fighting scenes helped. haha. very nice la. everyone was tattooed dirty and spoke in an annoying accent. enjoyed it.

i've submitted the thingy for ngee an poly as my first choice.business naturally. *scoffs
then er. SP, and then TP. yeap. they consisted of business and psycology courses..
hope i get into my first choice.. competitive much? haha.

i'll be praying? =x not really.
wherever God wants me to go..
i would be there so..
i'll be praying hard.

LOL.

ah. class chalet.

no big deal.

i guess time just doesnt permit bah. not the season.
they had fun.
i saw changi trannies for the first time.
tht was interesting......

fun la.
nothing worth mentioning
but now that i relfect..

it was the last time that most of us will be seeing each other again.
does'nt feel that way, yet.
but yes. it would be.


p.s brother. i would die for you.
anymore questions?





"when everythings made to be broken,
i just want you to know who i am."

keep it short.

woke up took the bus 39 to work.

turns out. 39 went off to tampines. like. WTH MAN

stll donnt get it.

te bus is screwed up i tell you. screwed up.


so i got to mindchamps with my macdonalds in hand.

started my admin work..

and as the day passed

it got worse and worse.

i dont know how to describe the feeling

a close word would be

despair.

LOL

jason lim yongjian is NOT cut out for a 9 to 5 office job.

i was on the verge of crying,

i totally needed a hug.

JASON IS A PEOPLE PERSON!!!

anyway

it was hilarious though

the names that came out,

like the ultimate one..Ms Foong kum lan.

OMGSH !@#!@#!#

the guys there , esp the boss is super joker laaaaa.
say spastic things

crouching tiger hidden breast.

LMAO WTF HAHA.

well another thing i got out of working was wanting my address n that list
too be one of those private land one. like, isee my future adress clearer now hahhaah.

miau okay!

hey guys.
this post is utterly random cause i', talking to myself alot.
not worth a read but go ahead if you want to. haha.


wow. so dead man.


its been an awesome time these few days.

first off was the awesome guangyang camp.
i had an okay team, half of class 1n1.
i guess i dont deserve to say that i did my best,
cause then the class would'nt be so dead, i', sure i have it in me to bring life. haha! =x
they never cheered, nor did they do anything right.

-i must be able to demand whats my standard. not bring myself down.if i allowed that standard to carry through, look at what bishan park was able to give me. so bring it up!-

i was'nt prepared with the icebreakers.. i was'nt able to play more games and stuff.
my major mistake was that i was'nt able to be completely serious when i needed to,
but gave up and the most crucial times.
even at mind champs, i have had kids even literally climb over my head.

i am improving, but i'm sure i can do much better in the next programme.
in bishan, i';; be sure to first start off with introductions, my expectations and my rules.
i'll be sure to prepare my ice breakers and games.
and i'll sure as whatever be prepared to win!!

i'll be sure to ask more questions,
be flexible, adaptable and take more iniative,
for example,
if games are'nt set up right,
just do what caro did,
play around with the settings, make sure they got the lessons in thier head.
i can be a better facil!! initiative is important.

i learnt to debrief better.
i guess i can bring best things into it, and also to pin point people, to recognise thier strengths and weaknesses. this camp i din't set the lines right, people still had thier issues, and brought them on throughtout the games. When i did that, everyone thought it was okay to do so. But thank God i had my ogls with me. haha.

its not my job to give up on my group,
they are my responsibilty and if they knew it,
i'm sure they can respond to sincerity.
i was really drained by my group.
but i guess i should have placed leaders in my group to help me with it.

im also going to implement more grouphands,
that should help with the groups.

on a whole,
my approach to my groups have to change.
i have to be firm when i need to. get my message across and then have fun. yeah.

but on a lighter note,
it was my first camp
and i did have loads of fun, despite being drained la, haha.

---------------------------------------

what the crap

so tired i stopped blogging altogether.

okay. end it off.

after the sheebang close to sleeping time,
we had ben wei's birthday.
well. THAT was fun. hahahaha. :D
cake smashin..photo taking.. CCI torture style.. the usual.
then...
bathing was spastic but that might be alittle too LOL for this blog.
smirks for the girls.
did some quite time.. which i'm like.. crap i forgetting to do.right now o.O
so i dint get much sleep.

woke up to unique jumping jack and CCI challenge at bishan park.
terrible experience,
it was then that the kids started to climb over my head.
esp that girl, jing yi. sheesh.

blah blah dont wanna brood about it.. we dint even take a nice picture. o well.

took yong liang's car back to pasir ris. whoo hoo :D
thanks man. =)

okay. so back to bishan park sec.
i learnt my lesson, and got some ice breakers and games ready.
i was even thinkin of what group name to give them and what cheers to bring out.
then again. i saw a few of the kids of campfire, early in the morning when everyone was getting to school. they were like, hi jason. i was like HEY BUDDY! hahaha. waited forever for rashid and han. even strolled to the toilet and stuff. turns out the buggers were in a CAR already. on the freaking way to the school and i was about to be late. i chatted with another guang yang guy, from the OGLs while walking to the bus interchange. that was ncie too. haha. boarded the uber crowded bus, which took forever to reach the school. yong sen gave that grouchy look =x
but there were others much later than me. half way he announced, I hate waitin for late comers!!! lol that was scary.

so we went ahead to the hall and get the stuff ready.
i teamed up with ryan, a non cheerio with my class 1n2!!
blogging about them brings a smile to my face haha.

okay so we did introductions.
the classes were allocated to different people already.
so the announcements were random.
i was about 3rd or 4th to go up and announce my class, and i had an 'okayy laa' response.
not bad. compared to some others. =x

okay. so heres when some trouble was had.

i RUSHED through my games. like, each game lasted no more than 2 mins.
i never gave proper intructions, which was why people dint follow the rules and the outcome was'nt what i expected.

ended up, the games either got boring, or weird. for example the shoe game, the girls and guys simply went back to thier positions ,defeating the purpose of the game. the tennis ball game got boring.. and stuff like that.

but but.

when i din't plan anything.. i let myself just get immsered into the activities. By the time the CCI challenges started, we were doing awesome :D i just let my innate skills roll into play heh :x


the best part of the day was the camp fire.

just awesome but super tiring.

debrief was cool,

i mentioned how freddy was super engery bunny
and how han and rashid were pretty awesome too, at the camp fire.

yeah..
miau

yeah.. miau ok

wow. 500th post.

interestin life much?

well
its our first MHS of the week.
tmrs is my programme.

well.
lots of people coming.
wonder who will leave marc's place, life altered.

WELL.
fallout as usual. calls for a post. as usual.
emotional.. emotional...
its just the way God wired me.


father.
dad.
Abba.

i guess its time.
jason.
let go. all of them.


lifetime of friendships.

"ITS ALL MEANINGLESS"

lifetime of solitude.
except a solitude with the lord.
very cool.


*zen scene.. waterfall.. meditation..
i might as well become a monk.

golly. wish blogger could include a private section or something.

when sometimes you just need to go

FUC# THIS.
yeah.
i can imagine sis jo going
YJ YOU NEED TO SHINE FOR THE LORD....

yeah yeah sis jo you can stop haunting me now.

anyway.
questions of the day,

why share when nobody listens.
why give when nobody returns.
why take hurt when you dont heal.
why love. when you are taken for granted.

i need my jesus.
oh jesus brother. you make so tough,
but make it seem so easy.


but no.
i will not lose.
i will not hate.
you will not get the better of me.
never.




jason?anti-social? only a complete idiot can say that. -.-
brother,what hurts most is being so close.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

awesome eh.

gonna write it o n my wall sometime soon.


post more later. changing com

if you dont wanna read another emo post

then ddont read my blog! lol. right.



anyway

letter to God:

dear God.

making this quick, gtg soon. hows things up there?must be busy huh, jesus packing his bags and getting ready to come back and stuff. well you've been asking how have i been, so this letter is in reply to that.

i never really have doubt. you must have covered me from that. now what i'm going through.. i still dont understand at all.

these stupid emotions lord...

i'm at a lost for words lord.

i just hope this time you're just inside doing a work.
i promise you though father,
i'll never let you Go.

i know i asked for a desert.
but for what again lord?
to learn to worship?
to grow in trust? in faith?
accept my calling?

lord.. have you stepped away from me? or have i stepped away from you?
have i not reached out to you?
answer my call father.. dont leave me here again.

my hearts cry is lost.
and you alone can find me.


whatever you may call.
i will follow you.
i will trust in you.

whatever.



is that all lord?

then ok.

i will be your warrior.
standing in the front lines for you.
you said that i will prophesy, that i will cast out addictions in your name. i will bring healing?
that i have a great destiny if i lay down my plans for you.
lord. if it is rightly so.
then eempoewr me.
not leave me emotionally drained?

faith.

okay lord. beyond the emotions.
thanks.

but why?
just like job?
my heart is yours already lord.
so is my life.

then,i submit.


i will do it for you, the people i love.
send me and yes lord.
i will go.




i will go.
i will. go.

pray for me.
love you.

deep deep.

haha.



signed.
your to be best friend.

well if yesterday was'nt the weirdest day of the year.


just a short post,
weird nonetheless.


took bus 21 to mindchamps there.
long journey, totally regret buying that ice lemon tea big glup
for the bros, it was just @#$@#$@ if you know what i mean.

so the bus had these two seaters rows..
and right in front of me was this THING.
first impression it was a butch.
basically it was a guy/girl. a 30 year old guy/girl.
it stared at me for awhile but i dint make anything out of it.
lol.
then when the guy beside me alighted.
the THING sat beside me.
i was wondering why it did that untill it squeeked "sum mo how ma"
meaning whats your number.


HORROR!@#!@#!@#!@#!@#!@#!@#!@#


ok to be continued. muhahaha
have to go eat lunch with parents.

miau.
i wrote a new song today.
well. tried. its not done yet, still in its "creature stage" (spore) that was fun. and took the majority of my day. took a shit and then left the house to get my should;ve been free but its not really free starbucks(go down for details...)at tampines. i saw that stupid girl, that friend of weilings that i made cry years back cause she din't do her portion of work. i think her name is rachel. she and her kawai horny fag friends kept screaming in the bus. i would'nt given a shit but that stupid girl was wearing the hai sing school uni. i guess now that i;ve left hai sing it does mean something to me.


keyword today is selfishness.(sort of)


i guess i kinda remembered something i used to watch from movies,
a different kind of selfishness.
kind of like, selfishness lvl 2, if there is even such thing.

its the kind of selfishness that has the girl going like
'you're too selfish tom!' sobs loudly and turns away leaving tom gaping in total confusion

yeap.
its that trying to do things alone, beacuse you dont wanna bother or hurt people but in doing so preventing that people from loving you, or caring for you. that person is selfish in withholding others from loving him.

deep enough?

inspired from bryan going to dye his freaking hair*WHAT?* alone.
then i link back to all the times i did things alone.
and also how we argued yesterday about something closely related to this but forget already. about independance. dont wanna talk about it.. i can;'t handle too much shit for tonight. THUS. my thought is that assuming he wants to go alone, then i would be prevented from showing my *butterflies please* brotherly love by going with him.

MAN i'm deep.
*right.


then we have the basic level of selfishness.
the one that everyone can see, and feel utterly betrayed by it but if he blogs details about it, it will seem that he experiences emotions like a girl having her menses.(what??)but he does'nt give a shit cause the Person who loves him the most loves him for who he is.He even died for who he is,what am i talking about -.- well okay.

well. i'll just type it out anyway.gir or not i dont care!muahaha.*first person!!haha. what an adventure. place yourself in this persons shoes.me la obviously. imagine yourself as me as you read the events of today..enjoy.:D

first you rush off totally unprepared from queuing for starbucks special salvation army promotion thingy-

(on the 4th of dec only 5-7 pm that you just noted of via facebook via events via looking at firdaus' profile, free any drink and encouraged to make a donation of any amount, at which you saw roxanne afterwards and she called you cheapo but i dont thinkk sooooo.. only she and Father would know whyyy :D )

-because one of your best friends called you to watch the performance of his lifetime, you're so proud of him and you dont give a shit that you're dressed like an idiot (okay la, decent gym clothes cause you planned to have a nice gym session after coffee.) and you reek of sweat which thanks to being 18 i would think starts to spiral into the evil that is B.O, which comes upon one like a stealthy ninja. you never know when he hits you cause you never even notice he is just righttttt under your nose, or in this case, armpits or wherever the heck he came from. so you head back to pasir ris cause your cousins are waiting there for you to visit challenger to buy adaptors and you have kane's mom's IC number to get discounts.they awesomely buy you an expensive battery charger.. aww. then you rush to clementi seating on those corner seats beside an indian dude thinking and i thought going to china would be worse but still by tje grace of Father i'll love this guy by seating here all the way.....getting off clementi only to have stood in the lift with a pleasant lady who told you that you should have gotten off at dover which was so much nearer to NUS instead of clementi which your idiot friend told you to do so.pah.you run to bus station and you drop your invincible handphone again for the umpteenth time without cash in your wallet but trusting in God to provide cause thats what he always does without fail :) you ask the girl next to you wheres the nearest mrt and she says its pretty far away...... then you ask her again.. what about in nus? shes says yeap there are atms in nus..........(notice the lack of details you normally would'nt push out of a stranger as in doing so one would've risked his life..)so you board the bus and ask the driver perhaps too many times where the place is cause he's speaking in chinese all the time so you decide to just follow the girl whose all dressed up for Its My Life.(she wqas also there to see my bud as it turns out) turns out the nearest atm was a 5 minute jog away in your handy addidas jogging shoes which the aunty in the tampines train later asked if i had washed them in a long time because they smell.OR WAS IT THE NINJA?! you ask two girls near subway in nus wheres the atm and they tell you, up on the third floor and you start noticing the weird and rather extended more than needed lingering stare they give you before giggling and moving off.(its been a very long time, sorry.cheeky grin.)praise God there's money in the machine. but you only got 70 bucks left in there. lol. oh well. its for your best friend what. you'd do and sacrifice many things cause you love him as a brother.(pahh.)y0ou run back all heaving but glad you had some exercise..you are dumbfounded as the pua chu kang lady who plays Margret? tells you that tickets cost 21 bucks. you thought it was 10 but ooo well. you even ask is that the student price. maybe roxanne was half right and you're cheapo! and shameless to even ask that to famous actor MARGERET(lol the name is annoying and honestly it does'nt matter to you if she was margeret or liang popo or some stranger. you've met God for goodness sakes lol. imagine God was your receptionist, hi son, you've been naughty today ah! but whatever, heres your ticket. WHOA!lol.)so you clean off your sweat and try to look presentable amongst this annoyingly prom-ready dressed crowd as you wait for the ticket girl to let you into the show after a song so you would'nt disturb the show going on. margeret tried to help you by asking the girl but the girl had some instructions already. thats fine and cool. so when you got in you sit down and smile to yourself as you see your best bud who had grown up with you since you were kids on stage with everyone's eyes on him. my bud is a star.. lol, you think. so you enjoy the show,, kind of. vaguely you remember the facebook scene.. the parts where your bud did his duet with a girl named gail i think, and even more so the parts where his voice cracked and you laughed and thought oooh no. he's gonna beat himself up for that!you also saw what you thought was emyza's girlfriend.but thats not important. so you feel all happy and proud and excited as you wait for your best bud to come out to meet you. you wait around and find him amongst friends so you wait till he's done. he glances at you a few times and you think what the heck is his problem, give me a wave or something already. then he runs past you. and you think whatt theee.. and you growl "oi." he turns back and stares at you for 2 seconds before "OI! what the #$@$! i din't recognise you! blah blah blah@#$@#$ gotta go wish someone happy birthday brb" and so you watch him head off to the party thing. you get a drink and quite a nice thing happened. you're glad you came cause you got to see the campus of your dreams. you wonder how you're gonna get through poly and somehow get a scholarship to get into this awesome campus.you play a visualisation in your head and as you blog you decide to have another movie, a shorter movie to have short term victory marks to keep you motivated, what you've learnt from the 'start your own business for idiots guide' so you sit down...wait for about 10 more mins.. and when he finally appears with some cake in his hand,he glances at you again as you're sitting down plainly on the chair outside in plain view... and you';re sure you have eye contact before you point inside and indicate he should go settle his friends first, in faith he'd come back. that was about 10.25 ..at 10.43 you get curious and you head into the lobby to look for him. he was missing. you thought he could be at some meeting or shit but you see the other lifers there too.. maybe he was helping out the staff or something. sure. you'll wait abit. look around as you notice the stares again.. mostly from girls.(heh) cause if it was also from the guys you'd definitely suspect the ninja. you give polite smiles which faded over time as the room started to empty and you start to question a little harsher. where the HELL is that guy.you asked the staff and he told you that the bus outside was the last one. you decided to give it a miss on account of all the years of friendship.you'd wait till the end.you think that if you are willing to wait that long, so would he. it was 10.50 and all the people you could see were staff clearing up the place. you walk out of the place rather confused and feeling betrayed, each step adding to the weight and the anger. as you reached the bus stop, you shook your head and breathed it all out. you think that, if you call him brother,then you must at least hear him out before you get angry.no matter what he says. you head home thinking it over, going through the lesson you've learnt. and reading the book that you've borrowed.the main lesson you wanted to take home with you was that. truly. don't put all your hope in man, for even a brother can fail you. but place your hope in God, who can never falter. a 21 dollar lesson. i guess it'll be worth every disappointment when i've learnt my lesson. when the going gets tough, this tough will get going.

-------------------------------------

i got back home and i think feeling sentimental?! wrote a letter to my cousin. thanking him and apoligising for my rahter bad behaviour. i think the letter contains
highly personal stuff so i guess i won't divulge. touching on it, its just my pride and about other stuff.

a few random things.i went for assist meet. i perceived a few lessons, dont wanna get any shits. firstly. in business, never trust the word of mouth.must have black and white. friendship means nothing in the face of money. secondly, even with black and white, watch out for loopholes. just dont trust anyone but the black and white and just get everything covered swee swee.

and before i go.
wtf man. how the HECK did i remeber every detail of today so well. myabe its the stlye of writing eh. whatever it is. its late. love y'all. its been a very very meaningful day. yeaap.


whatever it is bro.
i love you no matter what.
if i can love cheena people i think i can love you for who you are.lol.
even if i dont mean much to you eh.
action speaks louder than words

:)

happy birthday to me.


ended in a simple boring birthday.


ahh. my 18th.

a young man, people will say.

what a feeling.


well. spent my bithday morning in freaking china, wall mart, and then in an air plane.pretty cool huh.

bought some alcohol. lmao.

time for less words, far more action.



heres to a great and eventful 18 jason.

you need it.

lol.


I|M IN CHINA BABY.

UH HUH. you heard me right.
i'm in a village in china where there is INTERNET..

its been great so far.
the weather.. the food.. the people..
just been so awesome.

we fl


---flight details...

-hotel

-go eat plus shop

-leon clogging up the bowl..

-haunted room? lol


village is awesome.
the weather is like cooling,
food is great
the people are great!
they're not noisy and what not lol.

played games just now.
whacko and dog and bone;.
lol.

i gues i'll post up more the next time.

cheers!

hello world.


saturday.


heres another update for the walk.


elder freddy gave an AWESOME message.


its not really in my head, as sermons tend to slip out one ear nowadays.
but its in my heart.

its a message about faith.

anyhoos.


woke up to find daryl and gang. did up the posters and stuff. it was rather fun,
now tht i've traded my pentax for the nikon i dont give two hoots about battery life anymore. haha. i tell you. battery life is a HUGGEEE factor okay. if short you'll be so annoyed. (get flared up like yong shen!ULTI! )

but the higlight of my day was the worship.

i guess marc set the mood for all of us?
everyone was more more serious and focused.

most were having rough times, deserts, loads of pressure.

i'm blessed enough to say all i struggle with is to find God.


truly, it is his grace that came down upon us today(or rather, yesterday)
He is TRULY good. The only one that is Good, that is God.
His mercy and love endures forever, despite the circumstance, God will not change.


i thank God that each day i am able to fall before him in worship. notjust with my body but now with my heart and soul as well.. my spirit rejoices in the lord. For he truly deserves my all. everything.. everything.. Give my everything. i'm ready? am i ready? have faith. keep going.

God;s love just fell so strongly upon the cell. I found his grace to rise above my pride and i'm so happy i did. What i seriously need to do is to memorise my chords now, if i am to be an effective worship leader. and the cheena songs. and the games.right.




not exactly in a right state of mind but here goes.

dearest father,

WELL. ITS BEEN AHWHILE.a LOONG while. lets assume i'm not a verbal person, and i really love this keyboard. I just come in thanks giving, for all the goodness that you are. The grace you have blessed me with and the mercy you bestow on me. Thank you that i find strength in you to carry on. i don't have much to say. But i would like to have much to show you and the world. thank you lord.


i love you. all of my hope is in you.
jesus christ, take my life, take all of me.

well hello peeps.

its been some time

o lvls technically is'nt over.
theres still science

but who's counting? haha.



God has been prodding me in the right direction again.

can't help but love a God like that. :)


well. with things going on as they are,

i've been battling with my pride alot. jelousy. insecurity. all that emotional drama that is my mess of a life. haha.
was'nt an issue back then. When all i knew was to trust in jesus. :)

but things changed since i've stopped living in God.


things that seemed so desirable without Him,
so tempting to just put God down and indulge in sin.
oh.. the sweetness in the mouth, but the bitterness inside..
amounts to nothing but pain and death.

lusts, pride. takes a giant of a man to even challenge these things.
but our victory is in God, who lived to die for our sins,
thats why i choose to live in Him :)


not that i've been living a double life,
but its been tough living up to my very own standards of a christian walk.
excuses? dont think so. trying to be as honest as i can.
the truth shall set you free, says the lord.

ah. the Christian standard.

is there even such a thing?
well. no.
God never expected us to be perfect,
it is because we are not that he sent His perfect son down for us.
yet, where did all these sanctions come from? Man, of course.
trust man to make it all so complicated eh.

child like faith.
what a blessing.

but back to my standards.
christians should work towards being disciples.
a disciplined God honoring life.
an example and testimony for all.
He is the church 24/7 with no compromise.
He is the man who moves mountains, but shines with no other glory than of God's.
but the core of him, the reason for everything he does, everything he gives to is one,
to touch the heart of God.

not beacuse he wants an identity as 'that crazy christian dude'
or even to get into heaven.
or after the experiences or miracles that God faithfully releases.
not because a popular girl likes men like that.(lol if only la broooo)
not even because your brothers are rising up, though it sounds okay.
and esepcially not cause others told him to do all those things.

Our faith should only and solely be based, cornerstoned, foundationed..(spastic words just trying to emphasize lol) on the one truth, that is Jesus.

all talk no action. jan 15. lol. its been ahwhile since then.

yeah.. what i'd wish for, is to have my relationship with christ back.

to spend endless nights chatting.( yes chatting with the creator)

to linger in true worship.

to lay it all down again. all for God.

to be engulfed in His love, the bliss you will never be able to find anywhere else.

to soar on his wings, being lifted so high yet being loved at the same time.



to end off..

read the past few posts.
seems like a temporary set back but.

God;s in control.
whom shall i fear?

i lubb mummy. lurvvbb lenovo. LOL


damn exams.. ok. STUDY TIME....

omgosh i need to re-record the song. ITS TERRIBLE
lol.

darryl says journaling is goooood.
it so would be laaaaa. i already forgot so many thoughts i needed to remember
today has been a really extra ordinary day.

its science practical prelims but who's noticing.lol.

day after that went as usual. lepaking with satha and tupai. disturbing little kids.playing with motor bike o.o

turns out i forgot to take my phone from Mr yap. whoops.


went back home.

then this was when everything started.

after a certain BIG MAC.

things started going crazy.
first i pierced my toe.
then i fell off my bike, flying.
my brake went crazy so i disassembled it.

went back to school and he was in some spastic meeting. i think it was some civil defence thing.
darn.


headed to macs, where everything just felt so wrong. the air conditioning was spoilt.
could'nt focus in studying.
then

I LOST MY KEYS LOL. it had a JESUS tag, which made me feel like
jesus was abandoning me or that i had no more right to be with jesus.

i was like,

WHOA... if it was true.. i'll be like ooooh shit.
like. made me realise how important jesus really is to me. and what it means.

but..
i guess today God really stepped in and showed me i should'nt take him so lightly.
that i should have some holy fear and respect.

ended up i found my keys near where i fell.

but i learnt my lesson today.

God is'nt someone you wanna mess with. He may be loving and merciful but He is a just God...
and foshizzle, He is real and alive. thats the worst part LOL





alright its late.

gotta get to prayer meet tmr. cheers yall i love you guys to bits.

well well. if today was'nt a fufilling day compared to recent days.

i'd drop dead.
haha.


morning was school. science not so bad.. poa pretty ok cept for last section major killer sia.

hung out with mum and dad ahwhile before i took the bike off to bedok reservoir.biked around with bryan theo and jon abit before heading to katong via siglap area. bathed at wei loong's grandma's then we headed to the jamming studio place. lol.

met the new guy wei liang. shall not @#$@#, its so -.-" and rolls eyes. bumped into leon and gang. leon gave me that sacarstic tone and i'm like lol please don't TRY and outwit me -.-' of course it was'nt verbal.. right.

jammed star light, freaking stop and stare, and fianlly shine like stars. personally the songs were terrible choices, could'nt play could'nt reach pitch LOL. but okay la. jamming was'nt bad i enjoyed myself. pretty much there for the company of my best friends. =)

i could'nt take the new guy's i'm so cool thing cause i listen to metal thing going on so i went ballistic on him. he sure shut up more after that. LOL. ok la. poeple will be people yeah. dinner was yummy. forgot to pay BX, summore i suppose to treat him ahaha. loong accompanied me to the grandmas place get my bike. I MISS THE DOG... like.. the best animal on earth lol. headed home via east coast. stopped by the skating rink, enjoyed what they could do and saw myself using the radius to do em.. coolness much. by the time i reached the bedok jetty.. I RODE TOPLESS. WITH MY FATS BLUDGING OUT. LOL.

unbelieveable.

anyhoos. the last part of east coast.. WA.. uber eeriee place man. so quiet and cold and contricted.. but you know what.

i decided to trust in God :)

started to listen to saviour king album.

slowly sing ALL the way back to changi.

really really and AWESOME time with the lord's company.
prayed for myself and ither people and stuff.
even now i'm still convicted. amen :)

pit stop at changi village 7eleven, the whole world was looking at my sexy body. LOL.(philipino aunties.. weird horny loooking uncles.. lol wth. not exactly the audience ii'd most like in mind)
got a big glup, my second one today. lol. i thin k i'm spending money like water...

then cut throught the industrial estate to get home.

all thjat in 2 hours
yeap.
SO MUCH DONE IN 2 HOURS.. i mean.. the feeling after all that just putting back some faith in God.. is amazing man. so much things can be accomplished in two hours. my relationship with God is back on track, i feel motivated to SLIM DOWN and also to STUDY! except i'm sleepy now after all that activity..


keep up the great pace jason.
you'll hit the jack pot sooner than you know.


lets study hard jason! for the glory of GOD!
O LEVELS IS CHEESE CAKE

:)

We were bored after studying so being the awesome guy i am..lol :)

Yes its gonna be worth it. Just hold on, He's going to strengthen you. Just hold on.

With my fat wanker kane. After prelims as if we don.t have maths paper tmr. Lol.

430th post.

whoo.


SUCH a cause for celebration.


lol

forgive me readers, its been a rough week? i don't know.

Oral examination was such a failure.

But whom shall i fear?

The Lord my God is in control.

i dint go for mini cell cause i wanted to study

gosh

i'm wasting so much time agin

okay.

-nominated youth ambassador for Mind champs
-God's by my side constantly.
-mum sold her first cake haha.
-getting stressed? depressed with oral thing. learnt today God is always in control.. phew.
-stencilsss please jason pleasee
-YC next week. LOl
-most spastic thing.
..
...
...

met this dude named novan.
guess what.
he has a pair of fatty pros as well.
studies behind my house, pasir ris crest.
freestlye blades at the beach.
worst of all.
HE IS BING XUN'S COUSIN.

lol. my best friend. who woulda thunkendadened.

God's really movin so i'ma try to catch him.

pray for me,
i'm tired.

riggearieatherzeth.

God reigns.
amen

hey guys.




o lvls is soon



wth



!


well.


got some projects coming up.

can't wait.


for now till after O's.

mugging all the way.


benson woke up my idea.

thanks.

take care y'all..

watch out world.


SK4 is emerging into cyber space..
lol

even my mum is going into online bakery.

heh.

mission trip subsidised by 50% WHOO

and aslo this week. meet up with cheerios :) AND MUGGING <3



cheers

comp was spoiled.


but its back.


lol.





right.



time to get life back on track eh.



hello jesus.


its been ahwhile.

lol sat was interesting.
nah

it was AWESOME




shall blog when i;ve the time, i've an AWESOME week coming up, just praying and fasting for the salvation of the people.


Cause our God is SO AWESOME.

oh man. i just wnna SHOUT it to everyone.

if only you could SEE people.

that He is SO amazing. haiz.

the devil is an annoying prick. hahhaa.

but we've Won. theres hope people!



argh.
ok last point

service challenged me to post my song on my blog
LOL

okay before that.. gotta PERFECT MY ZHAO SIA SONG...
LOL



watch out for it people:)


i can't wait for tmr.

lord bless the readers.
bless tmr, i'm gonna work hard for you

-all i live for is God.
amen. =)

alamak. had a great word. forgot it already. sian.




shall update when i can.

in the meantime i wish i could show you guys my scars thingys. ouch.




save one more for Jesus. =)

amen.


p.s

MINI CELL WAS SO AWESOME =D

it was held at my house.
so many came.

darrence.. luther.. jay.. then the rest were the regular spartans.

ate mee goreng.. hah. cheescake.. and watched genting movie. hahaha

i din't manage to deliver my message across, but i guess they enjoyed themselves, and also rested in the presence of God. i'm happy.


yeah

God is goooooood :)


Amen

its been a long week.

really good, long week.

see this picture?

it is'nt some zone gathering picture.

its faith.

its SK4.

God is goooood. And all the time.


cheers, i'ma be writing to taki to get my "career" started. :)

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

miau



well.


nubian gents was awesome as expected.

morning was fine.

night.. so argh..

vin marcus justin and kean came.

guess they'll be saved some other time eh.


God's timing and all.


whatever

i'm sleeping.

nostalgic?

i don't think so.


wow. its the end of the holidays. so much done. so little achieved.
despite the melodramatic mood so far.lol.
had been working at puma sales. its been a seriously wild ride.
learnt a thing or two, and the experience is memorable. say, the half an hour breaks on the toilet bowl sleeping cause too shagged. the Philippine accents. cheena price tags. lol.
other than that. its really amazing to see the perseverance of people. some faces i;ve seen over the whole week without fail. they keep coming back for their shoes. clap clap.on the other hand, some people keep asking the same stupid questions expecting a different answer. brilliant.
saw for myself how friends can become such different people under pressure. politics can do so many things. hm.

memorable customers. guy who helped me out. haha. One of those who kept coming back. haha. the 'BEST' customer. Hes so excited about a single shoe. ahaha.he was so nice to us and everything, and went, 'THIS IS THE BEST SHOE! CAN WEAR OUT GO DINNER AND ALSO FOR CASUAL. THIS IS THE BEST!!' the next instant we had 5 orders coming in for that shoe. haha. what a great guy. i had that nagging feeling he was rich and charles agreed. he was his bling bling diamond watch. phew... haha.what a great guy. then last is this cheena man. HES SO CUTE LA. HAHAHHAHA.Hes those type of people you wanna squeeze the head to death. and noogie. LOL. oh man. " ZI JIAO!!" HAHAHA. juztin and alvin sold him a "ZI JIAO" shoe that was so ugly and was a size smaller with thier bull shit, hahahhaa. oh man. HAHAHHAHAHAHHA. damn funny. *shakes head. Ben, my real man manager. hahahah. He commands the respect he needs, and yet is very nice to us. shows it in his actions rather than words. He bought for us curry puff la. let me wear my jacket when i was sick and all. really did for us alot of things. Great manager to model from, except his real maness of course. hahahha. On the other hand. some people just don't deserve the extra mile, and i think i must learn to watch out for them. Like this one super pissed me off. he wanted baby shoes. and i told him i would search them for him tmr as there would probably be stocks. His reply? can i have the contact number someone in authority who can make an decision around here? like, WTFISH. so maddening! Gosh, ungrateful tarts. thinking about it makes me wanna smack his face... @#$!



i guess the best lesson i 'learnt' was that i haven't. i'm still learning, who i really wanna be when i grow up. I wanna be like the rich yet so humble and nice people at dempsley hill and most probably my "BEST' customer, for his enthusiasm. All that really freaking hours of work really taught me to treasure every moment i have now. simply being able to sit on my bed with the lappy cause my computer spoiled is a blessing, compared to facing ungrateful customers which i THANK GOD i only had one, standing up taking shoes for people and all. The jason image in wanna become is becoming clearer, and all my dreams and goals are forming as well. I never want to spend my life in that situation, where i have to work long hours doing something thats not my passion, never having the time to do what i want to do, or even what i need to do. i MUST enter into the B and I quadrants. else be a slave to people and time meant for my family ,friends cell myself, and for God. yeah.


Gosh. this is a crazy post man. i'm not doing english hw for this LOL.
next segment..

This post will include things that you will not believe.
you will at the very least say its a series of very fortunate events. its JASONS BELIEVE IT OR NOT.


alright. this one was a few weeks ago, when kenny joined us for the first time. It was cell outing, as mentioned in the previous post. haha. they met up at katong there, so i brought blades to blade around at the beach. who woulda thunk. i missed my stop, wore my blades and started blading to the chicken rice stall. they scolded me =( but yea. lesson kinda learnt. i'm very very stubborn =x luther came back and we welcomed him warmly. played pool with my blades on, it was fun. i hit my shin so lightly with my blades, AND NOW THERES A BUMP o.O dangerous stuff i tell you, dangerous. YEEW HROLDed in jerry's car back to leons, where ian and jasper were dotaing. haha. kenny came later. then i decided to bring the guitar down to do mini cell worship. OH MAN IT WAS SO CRAZY!!!!!! SOO CRAZY. but it was good. I think God is pleased. =) man. TALK ABOUT GOD BEING GOOD. We worshiped so loudly, the police was called in. HAHA. then the police walked past us. we were like, phew. then they came back. and asked us, are you all playing music? we were like yea. they were like, umm please keep your voices down, the residences here heard some noise ah, but um.. wrong colour. LOL! SPIRITUAL PROTECTION TO THE MAX! i guess my toungues were kinda bangla-ly. thats why the residence called to complain INDIANS were making noise :D:D !!! so the police left us alone since we "were;nt the ones making noise" OH MAN. God is so good. :D

Had haising cell chalet. it was interesting. :) swimming in boxers.. playing guitar in boxers.. thats nice.

NEXT. my computer spoilt saturday, before school started. dont talk about it already, i saded. What to do, Gods timing is impeccable. hahhahaha. so i won;t be playing computer games for a loooooooooooooooooooooong time. focus on studies.


cell has been so amazing. Its life changing, even my attitude and the words in my head are changing, like how when i saw alvin buying bread for not only himself but also for charles, i din't think to myself, why can't i have bread as well. Instead, i thought, why can't i be the one giving people bread? truly, truly life changing. i love God :)

okay this is last week's sabbath, saturday that i took off for. so amazing. what a blast ending to my holidays. heh. I felt not ready to praise God.but now i know it was the devil. zz. so i only entered in for worship.still, God was there with his open arms. Realised God will always be there for me. always. :) i was;nt totally okay after church, i felt that something was wrong with cell for some reasons. But i fell loved my alone time with God more, which was good :) that was buying majhong paper for the cell. freaking $3 sia. i din know so expensive. ahaha. But when i reached jerry's house and chatted with luther and jon who were sitting there things slowly got better la. din't feel up to it at all. so i just played the piano downstairs. din't matter. haha. theo sat down with me and chatted but i asked him to go up haha. yeah... but i decided it was just nonsense when the stupid hanna montana show in 3d came up. hahahhahaha. went crazy with abby and her sister and hosea. then o well went up to eat the bbq. felt much better after i took some photos with ian's camera. LOL. then fellowshiped with everyone. jia wei brought his girl. ian was there as well. washed up the place. then leon, jon and i sat down to have a really good talk. it was REALLY good. o man. till 6 am despite having work the next day. but i had faith!cause i gave that day to the lord as my sabbath, and God provides a double portion, cause its 6 days of work, 7 days of provision.true enough, i could work the entire day. its a miricle. You have to experience it yourself to know its true. heh. anyway. during the talk. leon and jon both felt like someone was around, listening to thier conversation. it was a spiritual attack from the devil. so i led a simple prayer and it was gone. i din't feel it untill they said it. then i had shivers and goosebumps haha. but after that we had God's spiritual protection. proves thatprayer works. and that the spiritual realm really exists, forces that are beyond our comprehension are at work.

God really came through for me la. that day. it started drizzling, and only poured when i got home. amen. :) sang loudly into the rain in my towel and MUM gave me a shock when she came out of her room asked me-why are you singing ?? hahaha. then as i said, i was'nt tired the next day for work. i bought a jacket and shoes. for 30 per peice thanks to ben's staff discount :)

OOH. dad came back from his biking trip safe and sound. AND. HE SAW A FEW MALAY KIDS TRYING TO STEAL MY BIKE!! |HAHHAA. my dad saved my bike!!!! SPIRITUAL PROTECTION TO THE MAX!!!! GOD IS GOOD AMEN?!
dad suggested me and myron come along for biking trips as well. perhaps i could reach out to him as well. heh. God is so good. =)

end of this week's revelations of God's greatness.
more to come. =)
----------------

The hour is upon us as well. The hai sing cell thinks that our new vp is a christian. I noticed the differences as well but i din't think she would'nt be another staunch catholic. Its time we prayed hard for salvation upon the school cause prayer works. Its time to unleash the spirit of God upon the school, breaking the bonds of the devil on the students. yeah! To God be all the glory. :)








God is good all the time.all the time, God is good.


AMEN!

last night was so awesome

cell outing.

more on that later.

gotta do some homework..




take care guys,
God's grace is sufficient. :)

lessons learnt.


don;t trust in one plastic bag.
how credit cards really kill you.-even if you set a target to buy a single piece of apparel you might end up buying 3.dont matter if they're really nice and pretty good buys.



anyhoos. back on more about saturday.

ps i got a bible programe in ma phone. haha.

i think saturday was the time and God planned it all. haha.
i bumped into joel from tuition at ntuc. haha. made it for church just in time for videos.
then it was worship if i'm not wrong.

but heres the magic.
PJ gave a prayer call for those whose heart have been cold.
exactly what jerry said.

it was simply revelational.
cell went awesome.
ddr-ed with chris -.-

then stayed over at leons to write some dumb song. hahahahah
with titus and chris over there too.


sum it up,

God's so real in my life.
Can't wait for more.


p.s job at clementi sooooo slack and spastic :D

aight. its been awhile since the last post so heres the update. chris is totally touching me right now but it feels good. right. about friday. went off to school cause shieow screwed me over. did dnt then went back home to bathe. then i met up with the guys for the puma interview. the guys name is jason lol. whatever. uh actually decided to skip church for two weekends cause they needed people who could commit all the way else i'd be placed in the reserve list. But more on that later. rushed down to the taxi stand behind the wisma to meet up with leon. then we took the bus to the hill place. by then the sole of one of my shoe had come off. yeap. it came off. so i flip floped my way to take bus 7 to the hill. we walked up some ulu place to reach the restraunt, the prime society. changed into the shirt. met the "guy" called marcus. totally freaky. place was empty when i started but peaked about 9. the singaporeans were just freaking stuck up. compared to the ang mohs. except for the really rich people who were nice. yeah. then my other sole came out so i was kinda wearing slippers already. floped about the place.it was a good experience i guess. learnt about the different cultery, serving water and stuff. relearned how to hold the tray properly. yeah. more on saturday soon but it was GREAT. the best i've had in weeks. i think ive grown up finally. bahaa. alright God. i'm commiting these times into your hands. untill the next season lord. i'll hold on strong. thanks God for loving me and my worship. Amen.

been having the fever for about 4 days already

i think i exerted myself during work (greendale) on wednesday.
Then it was minicell. probably took some out of me too.
then thursday wasnt feeling well already, hung at bryan's till night.
friday morn was late for school.
but it was fine cause i was'nt feeling well so mdm zaibon said it was okay.

got back report book. i actually did better than kean tong. my head still has'nt registered it yet hahahaha. this means that i'm only a few steps away from beating @#!@#!@. if only i din;t have this damn fever. shucks.
took class photos..

saturday was freezing in church. i played really badly.
today slept for many hours. watched zathura.

yeah.



what if pride is blinding me
what if arrogance is dampening me.
what if my character is'nt in place.

of course it is dumbass.
hah.

lets get a move on anyway
we dont have time for emo blogging nonsense.

God's waiting for you to pick up the pieces :)

its been a wild ride these few weeks.

shall post tmr. its getting really late.




cheers



p.s God you're awesome
thanks for speaking to my mum


cheers

teach me to fall into love again lord.
into your love.
teach me to wait for you.
till your glory falls like a mighty flood into this place.

i'll never live until you fill me again lord.
i want to die to you.
give it all to you.
only then i'll truly live.
set me free o God.

so lost without you.

unworthy.



get behind me satan.

YOU"RE THE UNWORTHY.



i am the child of God and He is mighty to save.


i will sand firm on His rock and no other.

falter i may but fall i shall not.

for He is King and He is IN THE HOUSE

He fills me with HOPE
and STRENGTH to carry on.

He is my light and my salvation

No one else compares to MY KING.

My lord. its all in your hands now.

in my weakness i am made strong,

so let me rise with you o lord. i want to shine for you for all eternity

not wither in some temporary place.


Put your light in me again o lord.

i will take up my Cross and follow you.'

you alone are worthy of my adoration and my heart is filled with gladness.

strengthen me in your power. encase me in your love.


for who am i without you God.

i am nothing.

do not abandon me o God.

i am nothing.






just one touch.
is all i need.
my miracle maker.



p.s felt really peeved about everything just now.
din't pray. but watched this video and found the strength to overcome myself.



yeah. after beating up myself.. God told me that it was useless. so here i am, standing in faith that tmr will be a better day.Cause He said so. :)
Got results today. its appalling, considering its the o lvl year. standards should never be so low,
otherwise obviously we have much bucking up to do.
whats the point of complaining.
show me some action for the first time in your life.
no talk. just action you!#$!#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$!@$@!#$!#$!!!!!!
The class E1 today was just astounding. mind blowing. Speech rendering if you will. There was this girl who had 80 marks.


and she CRIED.(no not for joy)


talk about perfectionism, for crying out loud here.(lol.)

another one had the number 96 on her caluculator. And she was like. OOOHH WHAT A LOUSY A1









-i could just end here but lol.
better come back to myself.
everytime i look at.
i think.
who the hell am i, not ready yet.

so. you better be ready soon kid.
she ain't gonna wait for you.

extremely satisfied with cell today.

we had a really good sharing and stuff.
talked about the purpose of the cell.. our thoughts and feelings.. the current situation and our action plan to change things cause God's starting to move really powerfully. had two guys from HS who wanted to come over to the cell. It was a wake up call for some of us. Then we started to share some more good stuff.. like how we can start to lead christ like lives and about faith. How we can start portraying the right image for the world to see. the city on a hill. Marc mentioned a really good point that goes something like Sk4's purpose is to inspire other people to turn away from their bad habits and look forward to being like Christ, not make people wanna come in the cell so they could 'legally" have those habits.

i might even join ministry next week,
since its the fair.. might join worship team if i can make it. I CAN DO IT! hahaha.. -.-

worship was great i THINK.the people were responding.and there was power and connecting.i'm sure God was pleased. :) i felt that little annointing feeling again.hmm
today's sermon was really practical. time management esp during studying.. loved it.

Walk with God still not stable at the moment. but i know it'lll get better.
anyhow. 'm looking forward the whole rising up in the cell thing..gonna be really exciting.


titus so nice, gave me his o lvl books to practice haha..
the guys keep bugging me to go poly
but i still think the best choice would be JC. i hope. argh they confuse me again..
i guyess i'll just do a shrt post on the biking trips.

went with sean kim on labour day i think?nothing much. cept he kept wanting to take a cab home. i wonder if i posted on this already..
then was with ernest and the guys. this dude name Ali damn spastic. all of us bike he skate board. end up in geylang he sliped and his board rolled onto the road and below a speeding taxi.

crack.

but the board nvr break. wahhhh. lol. then ernest also.. with ali on the bike. almost kena hit by a white sports car.. that idiot driver damn spastic sia. first he slowed down so we thought he let us pass. end up he sped up and then narrowly avoided nest and ali. then he like stunned and braked.. lol then ate macs which was great..lol. they went back home while nest and i headed to pasir ris. he went off half way and i chanced on jian le. we went to dt macs and studied with marc yang they all. i fell asleep.. lol

yeah
thats about it. gonna read my become a better you chapter two now..

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore

i
m sure i had alot of things to do online..

crap


anyhow.

in about 47 minutes it'll be dads birthday

muhahaha


surprise him or something


zzz..

today's hang out with marc was spastic enough. then came along marcus nard sha zat trishna and jo. bumped into terry and ronny and we played bowling. wasted my 2.50 but ohhhh well. then i had this mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hokkien mee meal i'm still feeling... ahhaa

yeah whatver


later still gg study with conan. wth

alright one wc3 game.. muhahaha..

crap haven choose song.

too bad. jerry nvr call.. lol



cheers

p.s oh yea. i'm soo ready for my screw ups. -.-

i guess i'm reaally asking for it


last friday, if i not wrong. over night biking to east coast park with sean. pretty spastic

wednesday no school guess i how i spent it.

sleeping from 12 to 7 before heading off to tuition cause the night before when overnight biking again. uber uber wayyyy uber spastic.

shall elaborate in my next post plus pics..

for now.. it was damn fun haha




today they gave out free bibles in front of school. lmao
shiow find trouble with me cause i was scratching my back *cough bitach cough*


tmr gonna find surin and duno what eles..
plan to go wild wild wet






p.s i'm in the midst of exams.


LOL

feeling rather pissed off about my stuff not working.


my camera has this weird effect. it does'nt work in auto mode at all.
and now , my mouse's left click is majorly driving me crazy. it only work if you freaking SLAM your finger on it.



so sick about stuff. its only3 30. without my click i feel sooo bloody annoyed.

also. with regards to my english paper.. i was so bored i never put in a single ounce of effort into paper two. even now i don;t really care actually.

just pissed.


i know i know. fruits of the spirit huh.
i wish there was a spirit of the fixing broken objects and that Christ does'n t just mend broken hearts.

i'll probably need to go overnight biking to forget about my shitty little problems.

sick of it. haiz.




dammit.
God, sorry if i let you down again. its not been easy.
i'm sorry.

mum insists i'm watching porn














right.



LOL



kk. was pissed about everything when i came out of school.
that babi thing going on.

stopping it tmr. drawing the line at tmr.

whatever la

major f-ed up. shall study now..

cheers

uber full.


just came back from pulau ubin biking trip with Cheerios, organized by rubberben.. like freaking finally i get to go with a decent amount of friends. Haven't been in the best of moods these few weeks, guess i was;nt that sociable today. Still, we had a lot of fun.


freaking entry for me was 4.50. exit was the same. cause i brought a bike in for an extra 2 bucks.

so. we set off. :D



sparing the details cause i wanna bath and play wc and then study,
this pic shows chek jawa. spelling something to that extent.

FREAKING tower. basket. freaked me out yea. maximum load of 20 people? what kind of architecture is that. so when there were alot of people up there.. the thing was SHAKY OKAY.. BASKET.. damn scary la.. personally dint think the view was worth dying for. but there were no incidents , thank God.




check out a few places, one of the tall dudes got injured badly. wen yun FLEW from his bike but din't get anything.lukcy fella. haha. that happened while we were going down from this really steep hill....


but tragedy aside, branchner (breakfast lunch and dinner) was POWERPACKED. i had 7 bowls of rice (it was free flow) a serving of fish to my self, lemon chicken, sotong, lala, fried tou fu with egg ,butter prawn, and kailan. i'd never thought i'll be so satisfied eating so much food. DAMN SHIOK LAA..........best thing was. only cost 13 bucks. *SHOCK

muhaha.



well. thats the end of my short blog post..
security was spastic.

o well
.

END

man.

i don't wanna ever grow old having to have '4 philippino comfort women', and whats worse, have a woman friend see me with them..its like..

so digraceful.

been sitting here awhile. here being downtown east macdonalds at 4 am. pretty good eh. been studying alittle since 12 . quite productive, seeing how Cheers is conviently closed. ( buying drinks makes me pee alot )i've always thought it was 24 hrs. guess i was wrong. anyhow.

apart from the not so bad studying.

supposed to be at speech day. watching satha win *cough my cough* top english scorer award. Not that i'm exactly trying to boycott my good mate but RBO just seemed more interesting than sitting there and at most have a free dinner.

then again. was supposed to be at prayer meeting as well. slept through it as well. i would'nt have been able to make it if i was at the speech day thing anyway.

But spilt milk will be spilt milk.
Made up the annoying lost of valuable time with the studying.


cut it short,

the new E hub at down town is pretty cool.




------
God.. i need you.
i need you so much.

please lord.


amen

heh

AWESOME time yesterday at church. just awesome really.

came alittle late for service and sat alone but it was fine. then sat with leon and theo. they were spastic and stuff but it was cool. haha. God was tangible.. worship was from the heart, and just wanted to please God.one just has to experience it. then was cell. had this indian pastor along. brother bobby. haha. so we did this really intense and meaningful sharing. the sharings' confidential, only within the cell so nothing to be written here.

worship was mad. haha. my first song, from the inside out was a mess. it was'nt easy to stand up and play at all.. squinting at those chords. =x but came to rescue was fine and the shekinah came. Glory of God. i felt the anointing and they the presence of God. amazing is the word.. :D then it was prayer. i din't get to pray LOL. everyone was participating. truly awesome.




anyhow. theo and i fooled around with 'thunder' by boys like girls. haha.. but sk2 had cell so we went down. jairus was great at guitars so he played while leon made me shuffle. ill try to upload the vid here. LOL



went on to bk sweating like a mad dog.just that few mins of shuffling was crazy man.

ate a satisfying meal.. of fries, barley drink which i koped and that hersley's pie. played with mae's camera, disturbed sk2 and theodore.. man. it was so fun i barely believed it.

Praise the lord!
he is faithful
he is almighty
and he never falters :)

today did a little studying, wc3 and quite sucessful skipping. there was SO much difference between the weights and without. lol

hmm. mitch suggested botanical gardens. haha. cool idea.

well. i;ma recap alittle on what has happened for the past few weeks in a nutshell.
(freaking idioms on the rise everywhere man. even my parents o.O)

heres mitchelle's blog link. read all about it. haha. freaking long post about the CC graduation.
I MISS THOSE GUYS SO MUCH LAH..
zz

clickhereformitch'sblog

next i shall be posting pictures and writing short captions..though i'm like really lazy to do this. facebook is so much more efficient. haha. but marcus complains. lOL

so..


way back. conan and i went swimming and then we found this guy doing spray painting art. awesome stuff.


erm LOL. yeahh.



DIM SUM.. OMGSH I WANT AGAIN I NEED IT ITS LIKE SO BRUNEISH AND SO NICE LIKE YAM BASKET EXCEPT SMALLER AND SOFTER AND BRINGS BACK MEMORIES


haha. this i the awesome many hands grip i made up for 8013. i still miss them =((



this is the spastic passage in the MC book that miss sheow printed out for us JUST ON THAT DAY. that got me really high haha

in a nut shell.

april 4my chemical romance. start of christian 30 days music diet.
arpil6, sunday. ZOO!!
april 7, 8 experiential week. high man. really cannot describe. must watch the videos. LOL
9th. NEW WATER. lol. jakarta sisters and basketball -.-"
10th AHHHH. PLANET SHAKERSSS
11th NOOO. MIND CHAMPS GRADUATION =((
12th awesome tiome of church =)


soon to come, opening of downtown's new shopping arcade. :D






i love my life.
i love God. =)

case you're wondering. it goes hand in hand. :D


alrights then

its late. haven't bathed yet.

gd night :D