i've been thinking abit.


i'm so easily affected by what people think of me. LOL

should'nt be the case la i guess.

i should be strong and stand up for myself right?



wrong,
cause then i would'nt be true to myself.

sides

i can take this shit.

okay i, starting to sound totally random.


life has been packed recently.

too tired(pah. lazy more like) to journal so here i am, blogging.


oh yeah.

i've decided not to lock up the blog.

because i really dont have anything to hide.


this is who i am, this is my life to share.

what kind of light to the w0rld am i if i can't even shine.


this is my journey, world.

embrace it, or leave me be. (i'd rather you like me..=x )


heres a few stuff i picked up over the last few days


ya know. people are people, not person(s).

to each his own perspectives.. fortune.. and of course, rights to having their voice heard.
its like, what they say does;nt even have to be intellectually sensible or even moral for that matter. All that matters is that we are heard. We take life for granted too often, coercing others into a realm of false objectivity. (should'nt be using this word.. i barely understand it lol) i mean, i could go on forever but i'd just end up contradicting myself.

simply put,
things meant for simplicity should just be what it is, simple.(does'nt the word pimple come to mind... yuck). life is too short to be taken into by droning philosophy or pointless arguements. Its too fragile for yes, self-admiring men (yes you, with the DP of yourself on your mobile screen) and overbearing women who think nothing of others.( yes, bitches.)

so what can the rest of the world do? how are the precarious 14 year olds like muah going to be safe from the treachery that is this generation?


audio slave-
Be yourself, is all that you can do.. oowwaarhhh
be yourself, is alllll that euu canch ddooooowarrrrrrhh!!!!


haha. what a joke this post has been.
i guess what i wanted to do is prove to myself,
that i'm not exactly incapable of a 19 year old's reasonably well thoughtout and mature standpoint of life and extrubant display of rather meaningless vocabulary.

(you can thank my very sensitive nature to being called a kid)

DOES THAT MEAN I"M INSECURE?!
perhaps
but i dont give a shit.
which means i'm secure.
lol -.-"


riight.

back to earth,

i very much love to be myself.
i love to be a kid when the world is growing up.

i believe this being a kid thing.. its my inner support system against my circumstances.
this is how i stay strong and even happy, but perhaps its not really the right thing to do?
what is right, what is wrong.
haha. more meaningless questions.
i guess this is what the holidays are for.

see, being a kid means being spontaneous, lively, fun loving and creative, but when the kid does'nt get his way, it results in emotional ourbursts, anger and frustration. Sometimes we like to be childish but often it puts us into dependant and often self defeating posistions.

i guess thats my major issue.

i do feel dependant on my friends. emotionally that is. without my friends.. i feel lost and like a part of me is incomplete. thats probably why when one of them thinks bad of me, i feel so affected, as if part of me is turning against me. yeahhhhh.


lol. all this self reflection and cooling weather is making me quite moody. =x

quick recap,

just been to FOC egypt and 2 days later went off to LOST camp.
LOL

camp siau sia.


loved FOC, i think.

but almost forgot everything already.
stupid short term memory.

i can remember the emotions though,
when the camp ended.
most of everyone was in tears.
i almost cried too! awww. hahahha

in memory of sickos,
may the times we had never wash away from our eyes.
<3



LOST camp was really good,
learnt new stuff.

God is real-er to me now. hahha.

luke's testimony is really powerpack to the max.

thats why i'm joining CF, i hope i can make a difference, give back to the body of Christ that has done so much for me :)

they said their first impression of me was that on an AH BENG, HAHAHA. siau ahhh. haha
maybe i was too tired from FOC.
o well.


new friends..
almost numb to the feeling already.
i dunno. hhaa



alite. jase out

this would be the last free post i'll be showing.

then i'ma make this blog private

i wish blogger had that whole private post thing,
then i wouldnt have to think so much.
i wish LJ had simpler codes i could work with.

lol

anyway.


i'll try to make it as sweet and long as possible.
=x
RIGHT.
its freaking 2 am and its that time of the day when weird images start flashing in my head.
like zouk out at sentosa. so random.


well. these few days have been rather interesting.

it has been exciting and humbling.

take the TPE highway BICYCLE RIDE at 2 am. that was !@#!@. haha. was on the way home from katong when i got lost. found myself at hougang. o.o"" even took a picture.
next time post it up.. haha. my clas ppl sure enjoy.. hahhaa

aside from the nonsense..

ive been chatting with people... reading books..

im glad i go down to base once in a while. eveytime is an oppertunity to learn and grow.

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.




not that bad i think..
then again.

o.O

haha.
trying to understand myself is like..
well.
its gonna take some time i guess.


but right now..


i;m just dumping my insecure shit on all my friends.

i hate myself for it.

and i'm not doing justice to myself either.


i think i need to just slap myself awake man.

shake it off.


get it right.

=x

jase out.
for ahwhile.

Labels: cheerios, leadership

dear God,



i miss you.
and need you.



okay.

see you soon.

:)